You belong to my dreams

 You should some day visit  my heart,

Nah!not the way you come with your words,

But gently riding on my love , you float in

Look around and you will see my dream waiting

I have left the grass mowed and wet, 

To softly caress your feet as you venture in.

I would tell the flowers to bloom and smile

When your gaze will fall on them.

I will ask the breeze to check your tresses

When they mischievously hide your face .

Will you not then stay awhile 

For it isn't quite mine without you in it.

Penury--- 22 may 2021

                                                     

The price of focused love.

And feelings mortgaged ,

Will be an emotional bankruptcy.

But then I am spent on you,

To the last cent in my heart.

I am now an empty coffer,

Without you fit for a coffin

                                   

Oneironautics, travel alone....

 Dreams seen together often reduce the distances between hearts, but there is a risk that may drive you apart for the tongue has great powers...

                                    Dreams seen together are  fragile,

                           They aren't yours alone to cherish ,

                           And are often at someone's mercy ,

                           To keep them from shattering .

Dawn to dusk

The sun was out ,the mornings had appeared wet. The puddles in the courtyard promised further rains which found me driving to office.However the skies held a surprise of a bright sun which played hide and seek and occasionally the rays met the raindrops which lodged themselves on my windshield.

      From dawn to dusk here,

  I look at the sun above

          Hoping  he carries my gaze,

         And scatters it on you there.

Dusk..17th may 2021

 

                      Clouds might hide the sun a while,

                       Damp dusks may lead to darker nights

                       But for hearts that learn  to wait ,

                      Warmth of love and hope will surely follow.

THE WHIFF OF RAINS AND THE SOIL

                                 When we meet next,
                     Lets together create the magic,
                     That the first of the rains make,
                     When it kisses the parched earth.

1997 diaries...verses found

Wonder why I wrote this ....Dont remember the context but looks crap

To seek the oasis in the desert I wished,
But by mirages was always fooled.
Listlessly around did I wander,
Nothing but hot sands to cheer me on.

Narcissism perhaps....seems to have boasted 

Seasons
My friendship is like spring
It smells of flowers and tastes like honey.
My indifference is like autumn
For my feelings wither like dead leaves.
My hatred is like the winter
My actions will be cruelly cold.
My anger is like the summer
It shall burn you like the fires of hell
My love is like the rains
It will short on you till you are fed up.
(6th september 1997)

Words for Idun's orchard

I watched helpless once,
As my feelings furiously surged.
Breaking the shackles of words,
I try to pack them in.

I worried my thoughts would be lost,
In the deluge of sublunary pursuits.
Still I hoped some day to find,
The words that can hold,
And carry undiluted across,
What I had long felt for you.

Now I rest easy  for I now know,
They are at home in your heart,
And will be forever so.
Be a beacon for my thoughts,
As they sail to find refuge in you.

Two liner for the rains of May

Renascence

Make me love once again,
The way you made me do,
Be a comfort for my tired eyes,
That await to sparkle on your sight.

Pour on me the way the skies do,
And trickle down my face slowly.
Make your way to my parched lips,
That lust to be wet by you.

Tele consorts...Part 5

                           The telephone that Alec envisaged was an instrument that he had started designing to help the deaf. But as it developed it had become an instrument of communication that was used to speak and hear messages. Alec believed in dreaming and then making them true. He knew he had but created something that would have  to go through a lot of time wraps and a multitude of innovative minds before it became what it was supposed to be-an instrument of communication for the deaf. Alec loved his invention like his child and like all fathers he too was anxious about his child even after they let go. All parents live under the belief that what they know whats best  for their children and refuse to acknowledge that their children have their own journeys and they cannot be a part of the child's destiny  whatever they do be in it or to alter it.And this became his request for being happy in heaven. He wished to be connected to everything that was related to his invention until he wished otherwise.
                 Heavens approved of the idea and gave him more. He was given access to all the people who were using his invention.It was felt a person of his calibre who had involved in the lives of people around him during his lifetime can continue to do so even in afterlife. They felt Alec eavesdropping people's talks and their problems would make him happier in heaven than on earth.Heavens needed earth more than earth needed heaven. Without earth and its problems, heaven lost all its sheen.Its only when you were unhappy on earth that heaven had its charm. Inspite of all the hardships and shortcomings in his life,Mable's love had made it better than what heaven could offer, and he missed earth.
                      The task he took upon himself was interesting.He found scores of people using it for different purposes. People who could barely find the courage to speak were confidently saying things over the phone. Sentences were interpreted in the way that suited the listener as there were no expressions to substantiate the intent of speech. The freedom that people enjoyed over the phone was immense. They could be curt and impassive while they hurt people. They did not have to face the sorrow on the faces of the people they hurt and could move on without the image of a hurt face to haunt them.A person's voice became an asset while speaking,comforting and attracting people so much that the beauty of the person became immaterial in comparison.
                     Hearing conversations Alec came to know what all people required in life, he could find the expectations that people had from his invention.He could proudly and affectionately watch his successors coming out with innovations that was making his baby better and more user-friendly to the likes of the women he loved most-his mother and his wife. The innovations restored the thumb as the most important finger of the hand as evolution had planned. For a short period, his invention had made the index finger as the most important one.The phone transformed itself from being the carrier of the spoken word to an instrument that carried the written word. And this was what Alec liked the most. People wrote similar things like what he had once written on paper to Marie and then to Mable on what was the version of the device that he had created.He watched people letting their emotions fire up their imaginations and thoughts blossoming into sentences unheard of.He found people who never may have met in the physical world, connect in ways that they became inseparable in the virtual world.
                           It had become a habit to keep an eye on all the tele-consorts of the world who became the reason for many to be alive.His reason for all that he was, stood behind him with her hands gently on his shoulders reading what he was reading. He turned and looked at the wrinkled face which looked back smiling. Mable did not stay alone for many days after he left. Her famed iron will that took her places worked its way to heaven just six months after his reaching there. Alec never doubted that she would be coming soon. It had been a matter of time.His afterlife had become as contented as was his life.

                                epilogue

                            What was written  above may not perhaps meet the specification of a story. But then writing a story is not just about the plot involved but it is often a vent for what one wants to convey. I wished to convey my thoughts which I put on the crutches of a few characters. I never was aware of the Graham Bell love story.It was a coincidence that he came into my mind as it was the telephone i was writing about and these characters were there in his biography. In 2003 I went alone to a city unknown to me and I took a small mobile phone with me to keep in touch with people I knew. It was one of the earliest basic phones with short messaging service and calling facility . In the days that followed the small gadget became a companion of sort and my face started lighting up when its screen did. The phone evolved but it continued playing the part of a consort and I realized it has become a solace to many more in the same way. The utilities have increased and so have the issues where it has made the user vulnerable. And that is the purpose of the story. What I wished to convey lies scattered around. Each one of us is a story that is being written by Someone who wants to convey to all around something special.That is the reason why we all have a different stories and journeys.If we look around closely enough we will find messages scattered around in the stories around which may help us improve our own stories.Trust the one who is writing it to convey what he wishes to convey through ours,and do not stress trying to alter what is happening. We have little role in our unfolding stories. 

Tele consorts...Part 4.

                   

                    Though a poet and a romantic in his letters to the ones he loved, Alec had spent most of his life trying in the pursuit of how science could help mankind. And such people always approach problems in a matter of fact way. And in his afterlife, he was no different. He had an analysis of his life,what he considered important and dear, what he had spent years on and what had kept him engrossed and enthralled. No doubt it was Mable and it was her absence that was making him miserable. Ever since they were together he had looked up to her for support, love.inspiration and often guidance. Their relationship had evolved into something much greater than husband and wife. The initial teacher-pupil relation had reversed in their later years. And even amidst everything available in heaven he still felt a void due to her absence. The usual norm of being cut off from worldly thoughts did not apply to him, for what existed between him and Mable were out-worldly. Understanding this fact he then began searching for the thing that his mind had focused and was only second to Mable--"the telephone".

                 The telephone was not just an instrument that he invented but something that was a fruit of all his dreams, thoughts-a refuge for him. It was of common knowledge that he had been attached to his invention to the extent that Mable had sometimes been jealous of it. He constantly was trying to innovate upon it. He had went on to call his photo-phone, his baby and had been more excited about it than his daughter. He deliberately kept it away often as he was sure it would distract him even in his wife's company.

                      And now in his wife's absence he wished and hoped the telephone could play some role in getting over his solitude. Gradually an idea began to dawn on him which had the potential to change the nature and future of his stay in paradise. He smiled at himself after a long time since he was dead on earth. He felt good as he started having the familiar feeling of earth. He was about to make a special sort of presentation unheard in heaven. But then he was Mr.Bell who had dreamed and given unheard things on earth and now it was the turn of the heavens to do the same. With this feeling of wellness, he just sat in a comfortable posture and made himself calm.On his arrival he had been instructed that heaven did not require you to go about searching for someone to tell your needs. Jesus had tried to tell that in vain as people never took his most important teachings seriously- that the kingdom was within oneself. Alec was told once he sat calm "The One" whom he required to talk to would surface from the calm and then do the needful as per the efficacy of his conversation and the conviction of his belief and intention. 
                 Actually, this was nothing new as many knew this trick right on earth too.And some did it unknowingly as they allowed "The One"to surface as per their beliefs as their conviction in their beliefs met with the requirements to connect to "The One". "The One" wasn't very particular about how or what way people approached, but requirements were met on merit and the zeal to obtain it.
                 Alec now understood that it wasn't the first time he was connecting to "The One".He had familiar experiences in his laboratory where after sitting silently brooding about some problems he had heard some voice surfacing and guiding him towards the solution.The way he was made to connect to people who made a difference in his life was nothing short of miraculous coincidences. It was as if someone knew his needs and arranged particular people on the timeline of his life to help him in his journey. The realization that he had always been on a guided tour of life where most of the incidents were but created by someone inside him calmed him further. It was common sense that one would not do things that were detrimental to oneself and was constantly creating an environment for one's growth-physically,mentally and spiritually.
........(.to be continued)
                   

              




               

Tele consorts...Part 3

                    

                 It would be wrong to say Alec had unscrupulously wooed Mable Hubbard and did not love her. Actually, he loved her with all his heart. He poured into her whatever softer feelings remained with him. He had all the circumstances and it appeared that he was destined to love her. It was an uncanny coincidence that his father had named him Graham Bell after his grandfather and like his grandfather he loved a lady older than himself. Like his grandfather, he rose to be a well-known teacher after he parted with one he loved.Most men search for their mothers in their wives. Alec's mother though deaf was a remarkable wife and mother and stood by her husband in his times of grief, supporting him on all his endeavors. Since his mother was deaf he had a soft corner for the deaf since childhood and this made him a better therapist with the deaf. And perhaps this was what made Mr.Hubbard select her as his daughter's speech therapist. He took a liking to the young man because of his scientific temper and enthusiasm to do and create things.

                Mable had a way of influencing men near her in a way few women could. Though handicapped at a tender age she had the will to learn and had surprised many with her grit. Her doting father had started a school for children like her and she was the brightest pupil of the school. When she saw Alec she did not consider him husband material at all. He was far too old.Alec wrote to her that if she disliked her he was ready to"alter his self for her to her liking". she wrote back that he should not talk of love but her friendship and sympathy were his if he needed.

           

               But her father thought highly about this young man and she developed a certain amount of respect after being his pupil and listening to him. Gradually the care he had for her changed her respect into affection and then she felt it was okay to marry him.Her parents were happy enough for he was a man who had a deaf mother so wouldn't  make advances if he was not genuinely attracted to their daughter .The fact that he was genuinely interested in their daughter rose from the fact that Alec had first divulged his love for Mable to her mother. Mable was only sixteen then. Her mother had asked him to wait and not propose to her immediately. But like all lovers, Alec could not hold on for long and made his love known.As expected he met with resistance initially, but he persevered with his letters and flattery and with a little help from his would-be in-laws  he succeeded in finding a way into Mable's heart.

                  Mable had a lot of things that Alec found attractive. Unlike Marie she had a lot in common with Alec. She had a love for arts and crafts, was attached to people she met, had a way to feel people feel at ease in her presence, a deep love for nature around and loved country life just like he did. And she had a natural inborn grit which stood by her in her difficult times. This alone was enough to bring stability in Alec's life.

                  The marriage was a huge success as both complimented each other like no other. He totally trusted her and she managed his life beautifully. If it was not for her, Alec wouldn't have been what he became. She was indeed the "mistress of his heart and the sharer of his thoughts" as he wrote to her later. She was the one who made bell's telephone possible and the couple had forty five years of togetherness of a loving and lively life which had abruptly stopped one day. She had held on to him and asked him not to leave her.And he had feebly promised he wouldn't. It was one promise he failed to keep and it irked his soul even in the afterlife. He was oblivious of the charms of the after-world and spent his time brooding…    

(To be continued)

Tele consorts...Part 2

                     The peace that heaven was known for started having its effect on Alec as well. There was no more the strife earth prided itself in. Down below people spoke of boredom when there was nothing else to do, they searched for problems to solve all through their lives.When they had none they searched neighborhoods so that they didn't run out of problems. Some were funnier. They sought problems of others while they themselves were neck-deep in troubles. It was a trait humankind was born with. On the outside, they went around bragging that its opposites attract, but it was only true for magnets,not people. People had always found comfort in numbers, and the numbers meant that they had similar inclinations,similar fears and similar aspirations. They wanted bigger groups for themselves and hence created ways to increase their tribes.They married their own type of people,race,colour,religions,cast and creed.They created their own Gods,customs,ceremonies based on the places they lived and the things that were available around them. 

            Alec looked around,trying to familiarize himself with the things around. He knew the ones who ran the place would only compensate him to make him happy.It was unheard of to return from the dead after such a long period. They were obliged to make the inhabitants happy. His dejected look was an eyesore in the area.All were happy and had worked their hearts out to reach the place. The alternative was to send him to Hell across. But if the news got out that person who had toiled for the deaf, who had been the beacon for the likes of Helen Kellers  was assigned to hell in the afterlife it would take away the hope of the good souls who worked, prayed,donated and refused their carnal desires in the vague hope of heaven beyond. The dilemma was more of the ones who ran the place than of Alec. So as long as he kept the dejected expression on his face he knew he was safe and they would become more frustrated with time giving him more convenience than was permissible.Already he was told he could visit earth to see around once in a while, but it was a useless exercise as no one would be able to see him.He thanked them with a sombre face and refused to go and told them he may think about it later. That way he still could maintain an upper hand for future negotiations and they may price his happiness more.

                       Alec looked around and found a few souls moving around. What he found was that heaven was what he had dreamt of in his boyhood days. Quiet,peaceful and soothing, what he had written about in his letters. The faces he saw had a contented look,no lines of worry. Inspite of his dejected look no inhabitant came to ask why he was wearing that look. They went about their afterlife without bothering about other afterlives. On earth the scenario was different. Men and women preyed on each other finding strands of sorrows and depressed looks and words which they could then capitalize upon. Once they found the chink in the armour they then went about finding gratification in comforting or getting comforted. The comforting seemed more effective when the sexes were the opposite. Alec's own later love story was similar. He fell in love with his deaf student Mabel of whom he was the speech therapist was ten years younger to him. She was initially disinterested in him but he had coaxed her to grow fond of him by flattering her with things like her voice was naturally sweet. Later in love  he wrote things women found irresistible. On the day of their engagement he wrote"I am afraid to fall asleep, lest I should find it all a dream — so I shall lie awake and think of you." 
.........to be continued

Tele consorts...Part 1

               

                Graham bell adjusted his spectacles and looked at the message.A few photos and a line- "I share everything with you". He broke into a smile which soon became a hearty laugh. Little did he know what he had once invented had gone through innate cycles of innovations and had ended up as an instrument which had created a world of its own where people lived, loved, died and disappeared.He looked again. The message was from some small hamlet which was known for its citizens  who lived in far off lands and the ones they had promised to share their lives with lived miles apart. He was happy that his invention was helping people some consolation that they were keeping their promise of being with the ones they loved.

              And was it not happiness that he wanted. He toiled in three countries.All three countries were proud of him. He fought off the patents on his phone. He lived happy and was about to die happy when his wife whispered in his ears "don't leave me". How could he refuse? The greatest inventor of his times said "no" and that were his last words. His soul had tried desperately to stay back but had reached the pearly gates dejected. Across the gate was a fabled land where all were supposed to be happy. And here was a soul which was not fit for hell and refused to be happy in heaven. Heaven had a reputation to keep. Sending him back was out of question. As the age of inventions and discoveries had started, miracles had lost their sheen. Whatever happened was wonders of science not miracles. Diseases were no more caused by the wrath of divine but had unknown etiologies.How could then a scientist  be sent back? If he ever tried to explain his return, his lifelong achievements will be eclipsed by the fact that the person had become senile in his old age and said pretty unscientific tales in old age. It would not be a good start to the age of science and reason.
         
              The matter was left to Graham Bell or Alec as he was known.He was after all a reasonable man.And reason he did. Whatever he may do ,however he loved his wife , he knew going back was not a possibility. But he had used such things as an opportunity to get ahead in life.It was not the first time he left someone and went to a distance which he did not travel back. Marie whom he had left in England, he never ceased loving. She knew he wouldn't be back and there wont be the long walks and the slow life of love anymore,neither the long letters she wrote to him. Alec was a dreamer and he was chasing his dreams and she was an ordinary woman,older whom he saw standing beside the road when he was rushing towards his dream.She knew he had just slowed down for her a bit, but history would judge her as  the stumbling block on the path of an ingenious mind. The Alec she knew was a romantic who could dream about houses on the hills and idle evenings full of love. Alec was a sensitive and kind soul who felt from the heart for people who were left out, the deaf and the likes. Yet she had decided to step back and had wished him luck in America. Alec had known that she was broken leaving him and that she wouldn't go with him too. She had written that he may not return as he might find England slow after the pace of America. Marie's last letter was endorsing what Alec's mother had once said that "he may not find many like Marie in strength of character."
   
                 And he did not find any too. He tried to make up by loving his wife more,immersed himself in work to the limits of exhaustion but he couldn't really forget the days when he had left England ,how he had stared wistfully at English fields ,had longingly listened to sounds of of his town and had decided to go with his family.His health was weak and he really believed he" was going to Canada to die "as he later told his friends. Life without Marie was nothing short of death, and he did not mind since he had felt Marie had rejected him and he described her as  "the one sore subject of his life."  
           
                 He was always frustrated at what distance did to every relationship. The ease with which Marie had decided to let him go wishing him good health had shaken him up. With time when he found someone to live with and Marie had changed her residence to the back of his mind disturbed him more. With no more her usual long letters and not able to hear her voice, new visions and people had stationed themselves on his old memories. He still sought refuge in his old memories. The lakes, hills and silence reminded him of a company that he had long tried to forget. And this drove him with a zeal to bring distances nearer.He wanted  people to feel so close, he wanted people like Marie close enough to whisper in the ears of the ones who loved them.And from  this passion that burned wildly in his heart sprouted a device that carried voice from one to another.
                And now he was at a place where there was nothing to contact those he left and it would be cruel and improper to wait and wish for them to come sooner to the place...(to be continued)
     
            

Musings of a mundane morning ride.

I rode again over the flyover today.

As it had been raining I had resorted to driving to work but it is not quite same when you drive .When you ride you can feel the wind that kisses your lips and carries the songs you hum to oblivion.

On the top of the flyover, I just paused to remember that not long ago I used to click the sun on my mobile as he went up the sky.The trees below,the hues of the skies were too beautiful to be missed.
 Then came the days when sun was hidden for a while by clouds. It rained incessantly and puddles on the roads became craters. I ended up navigating through a difficult terrain what was once a shiny and smooth road caressed by the rubber of the tyres.

 Perhaps not seeing the sun for few days I stopped looking for him .I forgot that he used to make the sky beautiful and I used to be filled with joy seeing him go up painting his pathways for us to marvel at the colours and imagery that presented in the horizon .Yet I had forgot to look at it. May be through the clouds the sun still looked at me hoping I may look at him. He had never changed. He still  rose and set the same way as he used to. He still created magic through the clouds that tried their best to restrict his expressions in their zeal to pour themselves for a thirsty earth.

 I went the same way too. But I did not look up the same way I used to look early. I had found it interesting to look at the reflections of the sky in the muddy puddles that lay on my way. I was fascinated by the drops of rain that had fell on my windshields and were wiped away.

A few clouds in between in the few rainy days had changed the way I looked at the sun. Affection like most things in this world comes with an expiry date and is dependent on the circumstances of the participants.

Beatitude of Somnus

Thou rest of all things, Sleep, mildest of the Gods, balm of the soul, who puttest care to flight, soothest our bodies worn with hard ministries, and preparest them for toil again!
                                                  Metamorphoses,book 11

Let me lay you
Onto  the bed of  my dreams
Do get inside the blanket of my love
And I can show you just
How buds bloom after rest.

Perchance if you wake up
In the night and see,
Darkness around you.
Just know some heart far away
Had envied Erebus,
Who slept with you in the night.

Memoir of a broken promise

I once made a promise to stop these scribblings....but things took a turn overnight and the promise shattered... the pieces then rearranged and the kaleidoscope of thoughts did show me this..

Throw an occasional pebble in my heart,
Lest my stagnant feelings reek,
The ripples may make me live,
For peace may be a sign of death.

If you do not stir my love so,
A solitary tear that rolls down your cheek,
Can also easily make,
Discommoding wavelets in my heart.

Lets weave a dream

With the yarns of memories
Let me weave a fabric of love,
And fill it up with kisses,
Then sew it with my thoughts.

Ask the moonlight to carry it there
To gently lay it on you as you sleep,
And bring me the smile I always loved,
That plays on your lips in your sleep.

Morbid thoughts ...1997 diary

Back in 1997 while in college,, perhaps a product of homesickness and missing the happy days of school

Was this the land of my dreams?
Dreams that promised
Gardens in bloom and pastures green,
Fragrant winds and sunshine bright,
Festive hours and friends around,
On horizons shone rainbows of hope,
Springs of love to wade in joy,
Resounding laughter filling the air,
Where are my comrades?
Where is my goal?
When did this pall of gloom descend?
And odious thoughts enter my heart
Why do I trust in moribund hopes?
Why do I toil under darkened skies?
Did I stray in my zeal for love?
What makes me love to tread again,
On paths that I often have tripped.
Perhaps beyond I will reach my goal
Or by then I will be done.

Why we met...

I need someone to live my dreams,
Like you do to live yours.
And somewhere sometime we found,
That we belonged to each other's reveries.

RAINS of JUNE

A pregnant sky poured down,
Her love onto a parched earth.

A wet earth with moist greens,
And swaying trees of yonder,
Outdid the blooms of the spring.

Drops willingly left heavens above,
Falling merrily into muddy puddles,
And in them they revealed,
The trees and the skies above. 

Some hid themselves in buried seeds,
Waking up the sleeping shoots,
Which promised to bloom in spring.

But I love those that fall on you,
That trickle through your tresses,
Then roll over your cheeks,
Hoping that they could,
Find their way in 
Through your sealed lips,
And unable sometimes ends up,
Flowing through your curves and knots,
Softening the earth beneath your pretty feet .

Dream for the dusk

Clouds welled up in the horizon,
The evening breeze that came to wake,
From your extended siesta,
 The wind  fingered your tresses,
That fell across your brow.


And when a reluctant sun,
Went back home bidding adieu,
Leaving a golden trail in the sky,
 Your eyelids slowly started,
Trying to flutter open,
My quivering lips did shut them again,
It was not yet your time to wake.

Endymion's slumber

What Selene told Endymion as he slept...

Sleep a little more my dear,
Though scarlet rays tickle your eyelids to life,
To behold the prosaic distractions around.
Do not open them for I know,
That behind the closed lids, 
A world of our love does wait.



You are happier there than here,
In the realm underneath the closed lids,
Be there for me and for yourself,
We shall be forever there,
In this and in lives to come.

If I could lay my lips on your eyes,
I know you will not seek your sight,
But would happily linger on ,
My touch for eternity.